One of the big problems with punishment is that it doesn’t cause a behavior to go away.
Rather, it only causes a misbehavior to slow down for a while; unless something else is done, the punished behavior will come back.
So, contrary to what we have come to believe, punishment only causes a behavior to diminish, to slow down; it does not cause it to go away.
This is why it’s not uncommon to have to punish your teenager over and over again for the very same thing.
Child and Teen Behavior
It may come as a surprise to you, but the behavior of a 7-year-old is more similar to, than different from, that of a 17-year-old.
Therefore, there is no need to discipline him differently.
Research shows that as your child grows older, he tends to engage in fewer problematic behaviors than he did when he was younger.
What this suggests is that, as children grow older, they do not create new or more misbehaviors; rather, they are discarding some and, at the same time, reﬁning those that are left.
Negative control is very effective, at least in the short run.
If your teenager were to do something negative, you would attend to that behavior immediately.
On the other hand, if your teenager were to do something positively, little if any attention would be given because that is the expected behavior.
Because negative control is immediately effective, it leads to the appeal and frequent use.
However, its long-term effect renders a cost to those using it.
Chronic use of negative control turns other people off, causing the user to be avoided, which may result in the loss of nurturing and supportive relationships they need for proper development.
Rules -Write 'em Down
As with any relationship, the parent-teenager interaction also requires rules.
Because this relationship is under your direction, you must set the rules.
When you set the rules, remember that they should include a consequence. So as to increase your teenager’s willingness to follow the rules, you should also put these rules in writing and you accomplish this by completing the first four steps of my Parent Point Program:
Write wrote down the specific responsibilities.
List these responsibilities in the order in which they are to be accomplished.
Mark the most important responsibilities.
Designated the days of the week they want their child to meet these responsibilities.